Nets Owner Pisses Off Putin

If you ever find yourself getting down on America, remember there's the rest of the world. Exhibit A: Russia. Billionaire oligarch Mikhail Prokhorov can buy an NBA team, run the team into the ground, fuck models, and say whatever he wants. In America. In Russia you can't... read more

Jared Fogle Gets the House

Jared Fogle lent his Foundation President and favorite pedo videographer Russell Taylor $191,000 for a down payment on a house right before the FBI swarmed in to investigate how the Subway sausage was being made. Taylor got twenty-seven years ahead of Fogle's fifteen and... read more

Sarah Jessica Parker Combing Through Trash

Sarah Jessica Parker found a filthy discarded sink on the side of a New York City street and took it home with her. It's something women who spend a shit ton of money on consumer goods and Bolivian natural pap smears do on occasion to pretend they're artsy and... read more

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Caitlyn Jenner Has Thought On Where She Might Shit

LGBT hero and occasional murderer Caitlyn Jenner has thrown her hat in the tranny toilet ring, imploring politicians in states with new bathroom restrictions to be more open-minded. This despite Jenner's many decades of GOP dedication. Jenner understand that letting... read more

MJ Worries About Tiger

Michael Jordan has expressed concern over Tiger Woods, in a new ESPN story. Jordan says that Woods wants to retire, but doesn't want to do it while sucking so so bad: I think he really wishes he could retire, but he doesn't know how to do it yet, and I don't think he... read more

Tila Tequila Hearts Hitler

Tila Tequila went on a pro-Hitler social media spree in honor of the Austrian painter's birthday. She Photoshopped herself into pictures with him and lauded his achievements. No mention of his micro-penis. That would be tacky on his special day. "And happy birthday to my... read more

Lena Dunham Gets A Ring

Lena Dunham has a boyfriend. All you girls feeling sorry for yourselves for being single should feel even sorrier. Dunham's boyfriend, musician Jack Antonoff, put a ring on it. It being Dunham's sausage finger. Stay calm. It's not an engagement ring. He should be so... read more

Lindsay Lohan Embraces Allah

Lindsay Lohan is converting to Islam. The burqa should prevent accidental views of her sun and booze ravaged cleavage. It was like walking in on your grandma in the shower. Lohan was observed toting a Quran while doing community service, proving that even super white... read more

James Franco Is A Little Gay

James Franco has come out of the closet. A little bit. He told reporters, "I'm a little gay." This is the sexual-orientation equivalent of dipping a toe in the ocean to test the temperature. In Hollywood, you used to have to lie about swallowing cock with your starfish.... read more

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Katherine Heigl Will Apologize for Work

Katherine Heigl has rescinded her initial criticism of Judd Apatow's Knocked Up which came out eight years ago. Heigl previously called the movie sexist; It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys...... read more

Khloe Kardashian Recalls Her Pretty Baby Moments

Kris Jenner forced daughter Khloe Kardashian to get beauty treatments when she was just thirteen. It was a facial and a sneaky armpit waxing. You have acne and male pattern hair growth. You think the nice neighbor man paying our electric bill needs to see that? Khloe... read more

Duggars Raps for Jesus

Jessa Duggar was the hot one on 19 Kids and Counting. Also the one molested by her brother, Josh. God has a plan. You will be gifted with good looks such that your brother may cum faster staring at you with his hand under your nightgown. The plan has many moving... read more