New Bachelor in Paradise Statements For Women Hating Women

The only things women hate more than being marginalized by the patriarchy are each other. The most colorful slut shaming comes from self-flagellating prostitutes with a thing or two to say about cum bucket Ashley or whoever. I heard she blew her abortion doctor. read more

Jihadists Continue to Be Super Gay

If there's an attribute common to any zealot, it's an overwhelming self hatred for impure thoughts. Inevitably about wanting to stick your dick into children or members of the same sex.  read more

In Death, There Is Cash Money (Sounds Cooler in Latin)

Spike TV is releasing a Heath Ledger documentary on May 17th. I Am Heath Ledger uses behind-the-scenes footage of the actor taken years before his multiple meds cocktail overdose in 2008. This will serve as “Ledger’s final gift to his now 11-year-old daughter.” read more

Advertisement
Ghost in the Shell Tanked

The life-action version of Japanese anime cult hit Ghost in the Shell tanked at the box office this weekend. If you bet the opposite, you don't deserve to handle money. read more

'Man Rules' Coming Very Soon (Blatant Self-Promotion)

While all you kids were doing your Adderrall and video games and furry cosplay cuddle parties, I was busy writing a book. It's going to be on Amazon and wherever else books are sold. So, just Amazon. Man Rules. It's a guide for Millennial Males on how to be men again. read more

Women Must Now Register For The Draft

Starting in 2018 women will be required to register for the draft. This is exactly the type of equality we've all been looking for. If young men can be legally forced to participate in unjust wars, they should be on the front lines with young women. This is certainly more... read more

US Airways Took Social Media To New Heights

One of the fun things about being a person who doesn't spend every waking moment on Twitter is that if someone important tweets something incredibly fucking stupid, which is usually at least once a day, and they delete it almost immediately, there's still a chance that... read more

You're Not the Worst Person In the World, The Shitstain Who Tormented Rebecca Sedwick Is

Zero tolerance policies have really fucked up childhood but good. When we were little snots, we all either were or knew the slightly bad kids in school, the ones who cut in lines or were the first kids to sneak cigarettes or talked back to the teacher. We also knew the... read more

The Redskins Owner Will Fold Eventually

The government shutdown is super fucking boring, so everybody now in Washington has turned their attention to a more important matter, the controversial name of their pretty crappy football team. Redskins is clearly a derogatory terms for Native Americans, something... read more

Advertisement
Amber Alerts Issued on Cell Phones in California

This is the new thing. Sending a loud alert message to millions of phones in the state when kids get snatched up by their angry estranged father or creepy boyfriend their mom met on Craigslist who swore his criminal arrest record for animal cruelty was a youthful... read more

Roman Polanski's Little Girl Rape Victim Is Grown Up and Writing a Book

For some reason people are shocked that Samantha Geimer is using a photo of herself at the age of 13 as the cover image of her autobiography centered heavily around her 1970's rape by director Roman Polanski. Though she was 13 when she was raped and the photo was taken... read more

Asiana Airlines Drops Lawsuit Over Fake Pilot Names

Go figure. Asiana Airlines has changed its tune. They are now accepting KTVU's on-air apology as enough to cancel their defamation lawsuit. It may or may not have to do with the sudden realization of how fucking stupid they looked to everybody else on the planet. Or,... read more