Bonnie Tyler Books an Eclipse Gig

There have only ever been two reasons to embark on a cruise ship. Gambling in international waters and endless drink tickets. Three if you happen to love gay sex and dwell in a red state.  read more

ESPN's Slave Auction Goes Over Well (VIDEO)

Every purely moral crusade must eventually begin consuming its own tale. ESPN is now under fire for a fantasy football player auction skit that too closely resembled a slave auction of the antebellum South. read more

Drink Wine With Jennifer Lawrence and Her Breasts and Save The Nation (VIDEO)

Hollywood celebrities have come to discover large amounts of corruption in national politics, on or about November 9th of last year. Prior to that, Goldman Sachs and Chevron were doing the right thing with their PAC and speech money. Also, Russia had a sweet national... read more

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Are Reality Show Attention Whores Worse Than Neo-Nazis?

The classic ethical dilemma where you have to steer the train left and take out disturbing silicone injected social media attention whores or guide the train right and decapitate some JuCo guy named Dylan who loves Hitler t-shirts. The seven-ten split is never an option.... read more

Zach Randolph Holding Weight

It's a no-win situation for inner city athletes and entertainers who make it super fucking big. Either they ditch their old hoodlum milieus and they're called sell outs. Or they spend their down time with the Crips and wind up being multi-millionaires involved in 7-Eleven... read more

Britney Spears Stage Rush Thwarted By Hot Oily Abs

Britney Spears stage show at PlanetHollywood answers the age old question, what is there for a middling gay dude or visiting Chinese housewife to do in Vegas for under four hundred dollars.  read more

Sinead O'Connor Ran Away to Travelodge (VIDEO)

It's hard poking fun at people with a real mental illness. But I'm going to try my best. read more

Bella Hadid Comes Alive Face-Planting

My conviction that Hadid is an early prototype Japanese sex robot discarded for being just the worst is wavering after seeing her fall on her ass while leaving Cipriani in New York City. The supermodel sensation trips up on her heels (which are ironically emblazoned with... read more

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World's Sexiest Russian Suicidal Biker is Dead

Olga Pronina dubbed herself the world's sexiest motorcyclist. The field is not immense. Good looking women tend not to want to chance cement burning their face like ground beef across the pavement.  read more

Lady Gaga Tour Outfits Problem Areas

Anyone wondering how a fading star with no one to say "no" to dresses will be excited to see Gaga's costumes from the Joanne World Tour. Her rebranded ironic New Yorker country trash lite look of recent has made way for her tired clown costumes of yesteryear. Someone's... read more

Chrissy Teigen Period Skin Bravery

The caption on Teigen's tweet - "period skin. so mad." - is moving enough to squeeze out another day from her fear-based suicidal followers. Lena Dunham's feminist body-owning comes in the form of a FUPA-friendly taint on HBO. But women want to believe they can relate to... read more